Defense Mechanism

i make the other person feel he's NOTHING. if i feel someone gets close to my checklist, i set the bar higher... to another level of impossibility. if he breaks down, i tag him as gay, chicken, or softy. if he shuts up, i accuse him of being intimidated or dumb. if he walks away, i say he's "not interested enough." if he comes back, i think he's after revenge. ha! me and my twisted brain! i am the craziest girl any guy could ever fall for... so don't even think about it.

New Word

limerence

use in a sentence: i think i've been in a state of limerence for 4 years now.

Just Flooding My Blog

i don't allow too many people to know me. i think i don't need that much attention anyway. i think only few opinions matter. it's a known fact that i don't read my students' evaluation, because they are just full of crap and students don't really know what's best for them. and as we all know, the "i told you so" comes really really later in life. it's also my automatic response to evade someone who's really too pushy. because like what the first sentence says, "i don't ALLOW", meaning somehow i want control. so in a very rare situation where i let my guard down, it means you matter. so i really don't understand why a person passes up a chance to affect someone's life. maybe it's bad timing the first time. maybe it's bad mood the next. maybe it's bad idea the next after next. but of course, i can take a hint. just don't expect that when the time comes that you decide to finally allow yourself to matter, i'll still allow you to experience me. you better be ready to answer "why only now?", because 'second chance' is not a right; it's a privilege.

Down With Losers

i have this theory that people feel more alive when they are miserable. when they struggle and feel like losers, they bask in their misery with the certainty that when you're down, there's no other way but up. i see this theory supporting the phenomenon that ugly guys get the pretty girls or that the rags eventually do turn to riches or that the underdog wins sympathy votes. honestly, it sucks. i blame fairytales with ever-afters, and the tv program "wish ko lang", and life stories of reality tv characters, and charice pempengco and oprah, and FPJ movies (kung saan ang bida ay binubugbog muna bago nagtatagumpay). because come to think of it, most of the time, the hunks get the babes; the rich will most probably strive to get richer (and will successfully do so); and sympathy votes can't put a good fighter down. it's nice to win without much drama.

Seriously

i think that people see me as someone serious or borderline boring. heck, maybe i am. but if you've known me way back in high school or college, you'll think otherwise. my high school yearbook write-up even mentions me as someone who "cracks the corniest jokes and dances out-of-this-world dance steps which could give you goosebumps." a loaded description, but simply put i have humor in my body. so whatever happened?

i don't know. maybe i got tired of being laughed at. or maybe i discovered that people are more funny if they think they got me when in fact they didn't. calling it bluff or something to that effect. i have a high tolerance for stupid people. that's why i can still bear watching slapstick comedy. but i also dig David Letterman's brand of punchlines - bland, wordplay, but very intellectually relevant. and honestly, i appreciate the latter more.

there's also a very thin line between funny and downright pathetic. too pathetic to even deserve a chuckle. so the next time any of you throw a prank at me, look at my expression. if you got a cold stare or a searching wince, it's not that i did not get the joke. it means try harder stupid! and usually i stop listening on your 5th attempt. because like X-factor, sense of humor is either you got it or you don't. case in point, i once told a student that his jokes are so corny that i will probably give him a joke book for Christmas. indeed, he got one from me 2 Christmases ago. my personal assessment, he never improved.

Rock My Hair

rocky: dude, naa kay sudlay?
ien: meron. bakit?
rocky: panudlay beh

next day...
rocky: dude, naa kay sudlay?
ien: (parang alam ko na 'to...) WALA!
rocky: naa ko. panudlay beh.

days later...
rocky: 'laine, sorry.
ien: ha? bakit?
rocky: wala ko kadala ug sudlay today.

sometime in may...
ien: rock, baka pumunta ako kaputian today.
rocky: before you go to kaputian, girl, i think you should go to the CR.
ien: huh? bakit?
rocky: you need to fix your hair, girl.

same shit different day...
rocky: i think i need to get my gym bag upstairs.
ien: bakit? di ba tapos ka na mag-gym?
rocky: because my comb is in the gym bag and you need to comb your hair.

i need to end this once and for all...
ien: rocky, eto naman ang uso na haircut. manood ka pa bitaw ng mga korean-novela.
rocky: why? are you korean?
ien: hindi
rocky: okay. that's it. fix your hair.

What Tickles My Fancy

Ice water during cheerdance practices
Notebook during exams
A blank face during recitations
An apology during my "pass"
A raincheck during parties
Occasional wink during glances
Group hug during sorries
A grand entrance during classes

Excruciating

Ang pinaka-putang inang slapstick, baduy, jologs, walang ka-kwenta-kwentang, natulog-na-lang-sana-ako, did-not-make-me-feel-better, sayang-sa-oras-at-pera-at-neurons, annoying, ear-bleeding, puke-inducing, God-save-the-world na movie of all time... YOU CHANGED MY LIFE.

Just my opinion. You don't have to agree.

Love Story Plot 1

what will happen if...

there's this girl who used to tell guys she likes them but [always] ended up being taken advantage by them. so she finally decided to keep her feelings to herself and wait for the next guy to tell her he likes her.

and then there's this guy who used to court girls but [always] ended up getting dumped. so he finally decided to wait for a girl to pursue him so that he won't get his heart broken anymore.

and then they met. they liked each other. but both of them already decided to keep what they feel and wait. how will i end this story?

this is for the movie screenplay i'm writing. char! inspired by the movie "how to lose a guy in 10 days", i thought of two opposing forces which never seem to meet. and now i'm stuck in a rut.

Ang Labo

Nami-miss
Habang nagpapa-miss
O ayaw lang ma-develop.
Takot
O hindi handa
Sa pwede
O hindi pwedeng mangyari.
Minamanhid
O pinipigil
Ang sarili o ikaw.
Iniisip
O kinakalimutan
Habang nagbi-busy-busy-han.
Makulit
O sinasanay lang
Na parang hindi big deal.
Baka sakali
At kung sakali
Meron din sayo
Huwag na
Ituloy
O pag-isipan
Kase sayang naman.