Fraudfest

Fraud news abound these days. Whether hedge funds exposing billion-dollar conglomerates or crypto project's own undoing, the scams and schemes are too nefarious for my naive mind. I always believe that people are inherently good and when conflicted, that they will choose to be good because of the social systems that govern. If the reason for upending moral and ethical values is survival, I can understand. If the goal is for the common good, I will probably sympathize. If the motive is not selfish or greed, I am willing to listen or argue. No one is infallible. That is why the law provides for exempting and mitigating circumstances. But if the intention is to get ahead at the expense of others, or to flex one's superiority over another, or to amass excessive wealth by luring and duping the less fortunate, how can authorities turn a blind eye? Are they not complicit by doing so? Makes me wonder, "who is the real fraudster?" and "who is defrauding who?"

Weekend shenanigans

Ballet recital on a Sunday

I guess my blogposts now revolve around weekends with friends. Since I got back from Davao, I have been meeting friends non-stop. I am not complaining, but as an introvert, these activities are a revelation -- that I can thrive in a social environment. I might even enjoy this new lifestyle. I like feeling awkward every now and then. When I am awkward, I tend to listen more. I realized that people like to talk about themselves a lot. I call it the Kris Aquino syndrome -- "Ay, ako kase..." or "I don't know with you, but with me..." It's fascinating and torturous. In the back of my mind, I have thoughts like "Kailangan nya ng blog or podcast" and "Sounds like a personal problem." Yes, I internally judge like that, but don't we all?

Another thing that I observed is that I am now more assertive with recommending places to eat to my friends and work colleagues. It's always "I suggest this, but if you want something else, let's go for it." Surprisingly, no one has a stronger stance on food (and coffee) than me. I used to be the kind of person who orders the same food as the others. Now I am the person who asks if the order can be served in two separate plates or if the egg can be over easy or if the rice can be replaced with a salad... Of course, I will never replace rice with salad! LOL

So cheers to celebrating weekends, pushing boundaries, and reinventing ourselves!

Favorite playmate

I met up with my college friends yesterday. Freya, Naj's gifted child, thinks I am only ten years old. I don't know why she had that impression. I mean, that was just our second meeting (the first time was during her first birthday) and I definitely do not look young. Hello, gray hairs and fine lines! But as the day went on, I noticed that Freya enjoyed my company more than the others. She would always go to my side of the table. She would ask me stuff like do I play Call of Duty or any video games. She would invite me to dance with her (in public!), which was sort of embarrassing, but since I was with a 5-year-old kid, it was also kind of OK. At one point, I took her away from everyone to show her beautifully decorated animal cookies -- no stranger danger reflex whatsoever! We played PokemonGo while everyone else was busy discussing old people problems. When we had to part ways, she cried and made me promise to attend her birthday party next month. She told her mom that I was not her favorite tita, but I was her favorite playmate. 

Maybe she was comfortable around me because I did not make her feel that she was just a tag along; or because I did not take her interests and actions as juvenile or improper; or because I did not correct her when she said that I am just 10 years old. I think kids are drawn to me because I do not have that parent vibe. After all these years, I remain to be a Peter Pan.

Am I that important?

A friend asked me if I will consider donating my eggs. My immediate answer was no. Not really prepared to justify my answer, I just said something along the lines of me not being important enough or having the best biological traits. Then my friend went on to say that her reasons for considering egg donation are to leave a legacy to the world and to fulfill other people's dreams of becoming parents. While the conversation may have been a good way of picking someone's brain, I did not appreciate her apparent aim of trying to change my views. I believe that that kind of conversation is the lowest form of dialogue. When something boils down to one's preference and values, there is no use telling the other person that your choice or view is better.

Now that I have more time to think about the topic, my answer is still no. Unless a person is after the financial compensation for selling her eggs (yes, that's selling, not donating), I think that the person will have to be a narcissist to even think that her eggs in particular are needed by the world at large. What is so special about you that you have to spread your DNA? What philanthropic responsibility are you fulfilling by allowing intergenerational social complications? Also, I think that children from your eggs are not your "legacy to the world" unless you raise them yourself or give them your name (which you will not do when you are merely an egg donor). A contrary view would suggest that egg donees can never have a legacy and that parenting is not important in producing a human being, at least a functional one. Besides, there are other ways to leave my mark on the world -- probably, something arising from my abilities and industry, rather than from the life of a once extracted egg cell.

The last of the freedoms

Six years ago today, I left my hometown to embark on a great adventure called self-love. I wanted to be free of the burden of pleasing my family. I thought I would be looking after our family home for the rest of my life. The look and feel of that house and everything in it made me lonely and sad. I did all kinds of errands for all of them -- I took care of their bills, taxes, and debts; I secured for them their school, church, work, and government documents; I reached out to friends and relatives as the official family emissary. I eventually realized that I did everything they asked of me because I was trying to prove that I am worthy of my family's love and attention. I had formed abandonment issues when they all left for the US (and Palawan for Ate Ching), which I am still healing from until today.

I went through the highs and the lows of starting over in my new place. It was hard to find real friends and it was even harder remaining friends with people I only met in the workplace or through a new network. The change gave me so much anxiety and self-doubt. For a time, I kept a facade of accomplishment, independence, and confidence. I did not want other people (my family most of all) to know that I was having a hard time and thinking that I made the wrong decision. It was only through vulnerability and honesty that I found real joy and real friends.

I still do some of those stuff for my family, but I no longer think of them as a burden. I do them because it is the least that I can do as a family member. I am no longer scared of losing anyone's love or feeling unwanted. For as long as I can choose how to live, I am right where I should be.

"Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms - to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way." - Viktor E. Frankl

Aargh

When you say "Kahit ano. Ikaw na bahala," I expect that you mean it, that you are fully aware that you have handed over to me control or decision making, and that you will respect my choice. I know that consent can be revoked anytime, but please have the decency and the balls to stand by your statement. Palabra de honor. You were probably too lazy to do research, too busy to be troubled, too wishy-washy with your opinions, too scared to be judged. For copping out, you have lost the right to complain, to blame, and to express regret. "Sana ganito na lang, sana ganyan..." No! Keep those thoughts to yourself. Someone sweat it out for you, so be grateful.

Now Playing: Shake Yer Head by Eraserheads

Are you OK?

It is interesting how these three words can make a person feel. A few years ago, I would have been annoyed by this question and would respond, "Fuck off," but as I grow older (and hopefully more mature), I realized that the question is intended to assure the concerned (i.e., the asking party) that there is nothing to worry about. And if you are not OK, the question is an offer of help, a genuine desire to understand your situation, and an opportunity for you to rant or to vent out your emotions if you feel like it. 

I find myself asking that question to friends and strangers lately. Others were curious about my inquiry. "What made you ask that?" Well, maybe because you are not being your usual cheerful self? Maybe because I know you are in a lot of pressure or have experienced an event that I myself would crack under? Maybe because I have not seen or heard anything about those plans and work that made you excited? Is it too odd that I care?

In any event, I am here for whatevs.

The appearance of propriety

Part of corporate housekeeping that lawyers do is to make sure that there is no potential conflict of interest or even appearance of impropriety in the company's dealings. To be candid, I hate playing the role of a cop in such matters, because I think it is common sense. We should not enrich ourselves unfairly or at the expense or in betrayal of others. 

It is easy to choose profits over integrity. Profits can be realized right away, while the effects of a damaged or upheld integrity can only be felt further down the line. Instant versus delayed gratification. People also have the tendency to justify their biases and double dealings. The most popular excuse is that both parties served know that you are assisting or working with both of them. But that is not the complete picture. 

Conflict is not confined between parties in a transaction. Everyone who will be disadvantaged or affected by your duplicity can be a source of conflict. The other bidders, the public, the shareholders, the court. All such parties should be aware and have consented. Sometimes, people do not care if you are being righteous; what they care about is if you appear that way.