Continental Drift Theory

abraham ortelius and alfred wegener propounded this theory that continents fit like a puzzle and that they were once integrated. upheavals and ruptures on the earth's surface caused the land mass to separate and drift to their present locations. the earth's lithosphere, divided into tectonic plates, move across the ocean and sea floors. some disappear on the earth's mantle by subduction while new oceanic crust emerge through seafloor spreading.

no, i'm not trying to be all-national-geographic here. it's just that i find solace in thinking that someday, when tectonic plates will move once more, my family and i might end up in the same continent again.

Love Rules according to the Great Ramon Bautista

1. kung gusto mo, karirin mo

2. kung ayaw sayo, wag mo ipilit. ang salitang pakipot ay nag aapply lang sa mga pogi na manliligaw

3. bata ka pa, may mahahanap ka pang iba

4. kung panget ka at bobo, di ka talaga makaka let go kasi alam mo na wala nang magkakagusto sayo. o kaya bobo ka lang kaya di mo naiisip na may iba pa jan

5. yung LDR (long distance relationship) nagwowork lang sa mga sine at sa mga mag aasawang may pamilya

6. wag bigyan ng ibig sabihin ang mga signs na gusto ka ng lalake/babae hanggat di sya nag iilove you at maski pag nag ily yun, di pa credible yun sa mga panahon ngayon so it's a never ending process of patunay and non-patunay

7. fall in love at your own risk

key to happiness: LOWER YOUR STANDARDS

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no absences.
no considerations.
no pin, no quiz.
no lates.
no excuses.
no erasures.
no bonus questions.

no updates.
no notifications.
no status messages.
no replies.
no missed calls.
no smiles.
no bigdeals.
no reaction.
no drama.

no waiting.
no bluffing.
no glancing.
no wallowing.
no bending.
no stalking.
no cheating.

no timeouts.
no retreat.
no surrender.
no breaks.
no heart.

shit.
stop.

ramon bautista is wisdom

QUESTION: What do you do when you feel you're not good enough? :)

RAMON BAUTISTA: if there is time, i try to improve myself so i can be closer to being good enough. if not, i just do my thing and hope for the best. however, thinking of others who do worse than me - but are more cocky and self-assured is an effective source of confidence. i, thank you.

ang kwento ng batang kumakain ng dahon

may isang bata na sobrang awang awa na sa sarili nya. sa sobrang gutom at hirap, naisipan nyang umakyat ng puno at kainin na lang ang mga berdeng dahon nito. umiiyak at nagse-self pity sya habang kinakain ang mga dahon nang may narinig syang kaluskos sa ilalim ng puno. noong tiningnan nya, nakita nya ang isang batang lumpo na kinakain ang mga tuyong dahon sa lupa.

------------------

last night, my friend jaycob called me up and told me this story. he even advised me to go to church. i replied, "ba't mo naman nasabi na hindi ako nagsisimba?" he said that if i were, i would see things in a different light. he also told me that i had to continue for people around me. i said, "sa tingin mo i'm doing this for them? i'm doing this for myself. and besides, sabi ng mommy ko i can take a timeout and organize myself." he said any parent would say those things and my mom was just trying to be a parent. he said even if i'm doing it for myself, the people around me can't help but think that they are also part of it.

he's not a lawyer or a law student, but i think he can be a good one.

happy birthday

...to my lifetime crush, ely buendia.

when i was 13 years old, you were already 23. at sabi ng mommy ko, wag yan kase malamang nagda-drugs yan at hindi matino ang lalake na kumakanta ng songs na may words na "tangina" at "tanga."

now, 40 doesn't sound too old. and yeah, there may have been close calls, but the drugs seemed to do you good.

so how about another year?!

it has not sunk in

just had my first yogo tonight with my bespren jenith. we were just trying to unwind after a very hectic week. i came from my 2nd labrel exam and i was bothered that i find it easy. usually if the exam seemed easy, i fail. hehehe she, on the other hand, just finished evaluating all the appeals of engineering students who are either "forced to shift," "on final university probation," or "dismissed from the university." knowing her work made me say i'm in a better situation. at least i am not burdened with the decision of shattering ambitions or changing a student's future. for two years as EA division head, jenith has no other wish but to finally relinquish her position. but as i always tell her, somebody's gotta do it.... for now, unfortunately, it's her.

we talked about our students who we have come to know on a personal level and how hard it is to see them leave their programs/courses because of strict university policies. we also talked about the anomalies during enrolment like rumors of some registration person getting bribed by students to fast-track their encoding. we also talked about inefficient program coordinators and lazy professors. all stories seemed to sound so negative, but for us it's our release, our own reality check of the system that we are a part of... actually, we just love chismis. hehehe

during our kwentuhan, i told her that i have mixed feelings about graduating law school this april. so far, i passed all the exams that were returned to us (thank God!). but the rest are the more crucial ones and i don't think i did well in them. jenith cut me and said that it didn't occur to her that i might not be around anymore come summer. she said that it's always convenient to think that i'll still be teaching next year since most of the time i would tell her i'm not sure if i'm going to graduate. now that she knows i am passing the exams i crammed, it's no longer a remote possibility that i will graduate. and probably in desperation, she wants me to assure her that after taking the bar, i will be back.... but i can't. i stopped planning my life long time ago. it's always been crossing the bridge when i'm already there. it's easier this way. less expectations, less disappointments.

it has not sunk in yet to most people, including jenith and myself, that this comfortable uncomfortable life that i am living right now might be over or could change in a few months. seven years of teaching is hard to replace.

the uncomfortable truth

the uncomfortable truth is that you learn to eat your words sometimes. you say things to overpower the rebel in you. making the universe know your conviction, but not really hiding the obvious. unfortunately, words are not as powerful as thoughts. when it's in your mind, it's in your heart. and what's in your heart is always the truth. and so you eat your words piecemeal until you can finally be honest with yourself.

the uncomfortable truth is that there are people who rock your world, who make you take that leap of faith, who drive you crazy for what it's worth. and they just don't give a damn that they do those things to you. they don't have a clue. what's worse, they don't bother looking for clues. they go on with their lives like you are just some speck of dust that rested on their eyelashes... close, but not close enough to blind them.

the uncomfortable truth is that you like the people who you vow not to like, only because you spend so much time thinking how not to like them. you get to know them better that you finally stop thinking about the trees and see them for the forest that they truly are. you want to deny yourself of this new-found affinity, but you're already so deep in the rabbit hole that you finally gave in.

the uncomfortable truth is that you try to create your own possibility, but you always end up with just that - a futile attempt to feign possibility. you hope for a chance. you reach for the stars... until you finally realize that chances are slim, the future is bleak, and the stars are asymptotic. epic failure for an epic battle.

and the most uncomfortable truth of all is that you don't mind doing everything all over again.

understanding me

time tells stories.
memories fill the heart.
feelings create investment.
interest builds hope.

but...

leaving is an option.
parting is inevitable.
moving on is second nature.
forgetting is forthcoming.

then...

absence quenches passion.
distance fades a promise.
silence numbs a calling.
void widens the gap.

now...

the person is immune.
the mind is unyielding.
the senses are incognizant.
the will is implacable.

deadmahin ang group hug

to you who think i have been acting weird lately,

to start with, weird talaga akong tao noon pa, so that should not come as a surprise. i am just so freaking busy. i have law school and work. lawschool is crazy when you're in 4th year. and work is just as demanding (even more). home situation still gets me paranoid once in a while. and bills will always be a perennial concern. now tell me that my problems are same as yours. if they are, tell me how to go about them because it looks to me that you're having a breeze in life. i'm really trying my best here, so please don't add to my growing worries by telling me that i make you worry. yes, i worry when others say they are worried about me.

i will text if i am not ok. i will share when i feel like sharing. my friends and my students know that i am not one who keeps bad vibes and grudges. i say what i mean and i mean what i say. i am very transparent. if i am having a bad day, you will know. that is why i don't want to communicate lately... because my bad day will not be reversed if you know that i'm having one, will it? and i don't want to be spreading bad days myself. and i'll be happy to think that at least one of us is having a good day.

please don't think that it's you. it's never my habit to blame others for my misery. but it's definitely you if you keep on bugging me about not being in my element. hehehe yes, i can still joke about these things, because i am not sad. i am just floating and maintaining status quo. some days give me shit. some days give me highs. some days are just better than others. but everyday is always a potential historical milestone, so it's such a waste if i just spend it convincing you that i'm ok or [worse] worrying that you're worried about me being strange or weird.

this is getting long. i don't owe you an explanation, do i? what i'm trying to do here is to let you understand that my life is not just about you. it's also about my work and law school and the house that i'm trying to maintain and the bills that i'm trying to pay. it's mine and i know you know what i mean because you have your own life. don't waste it worrying about me being weird because i've been weird since time immemorial... and that i know you know it, too.

always me.

peter pan

sa sobrang bored ko sa buhay, kung anu-anong goals na lang sine-set ko para sa sarili ko. gusto ko may sport. gusto ko vegetarian. gusto ko mag-violin. gusto ko maging lawyer or pwede ring rockstar. i always believe i'm a real-life peter pan. yung tipong ayaw tumanda. that's why i have to keep the exterior as youthful as my soul. i don't dress my age unless it's necessary. i hangout with younger people and call everyone else "ate" or "kuya" kahit mas matanda naman talaga ako.. hehehe. and lately, i have become more healthy (if that is even possible) kase i want to join a triathlon. ayun ang bagong goal. hindi na enough ang patakbo-takbo lang. gusto ko lumevel up. magse-set ulit ako ng target.

 

sabi ng tita ko, why not set when to get married. naku, that's hard. ang tawag dyan sa obligations and contracts ay "potestative" - dependent on the will of another person. pwede rin casual - dependent on chance. hahaha... pwede rin mixed (chance and will). mas ok magset ng goals na purely potestative on my part. yung tipong wala akong aabalahin at wala ring karapatan na abalahin ako ng iba. siguro i'm really a selfish person and i'm doomed to be single. nakikinikinita ko na nga eh. di bale, hindi naman ako tatanda. i'm going to be peter pan flesh and blood.

you give me the chills

i can't wait for this to end
to finally not be around you
it gives me the creeps
when you do things
that make me jump off my seat
i just want to disappear
from your cold-blooded stare
i melt instantly
everytime there's you
and me and the world stops
for a moment i drift
to a dreamland of my own
i wish to see you
scorned and bruised all over
at the end of the day
if fate has its way
i would meet you
to say the words i suppress
i will hold my horses
for this lifetime
to your great disappointment
and for my own satisfaction
a wondrous fulfillment
to have been given the chills.


NOTE: i like this poem because if you read it one way, it sounds sweet. and if you read it in another way, it sounds angry. double meaning ba!

Sa Dulo

(for my own self-preservation)

Sa pagkakataon at pakakamali
Sa mga taong hinintay at bawat sandali
Sa mundong tila tuso at hindi patas
Sa kaligayahang dumaan at pinalipas
Sa labis na pagkabalisa't pagmumuni-muni
Sa paggising sa umaga at pagtulog sa gabi
Sa mga kwentong walang kwenta
Sa mga payong tila binale-wala
Sa mababaw na pagtingin at pagturing sa iba
Sa wagas na pag-ibig na nadarama
Sa buhay na dati handang ilaan
Sa isang desisyong tiyak pagsisisihan
Sa iilan pang darating
Sa susunod
Sa iyo.

honesty

this is one of the things i value the most in life. my friendships are predicated on such. and so if i can avoid lying, i will. besides, i'm never good at it. what i say is really what i mean. so the minimum requirement for you to get an honest answer from me is to ask the right question. how convenient, isn't it?

but honesty begets honesty. so if you're full of pretense, you'll only probably gain my disappointment. and if you'd rather go around in circles than give me the brutal truth, i'll be more pissed off than thankful. no amount of good faith offsets a person who's consistently inconsistent. and no amount of doubt can be attributed to such either. the cut is clear. crystal clear.

honesty also simplifies things. when people say one thing and mean another, that is the start and the crux of life's complexity. wouldn't it be easier if people just express what they feel and for the receiving end to respect and understand what was expressed? objectively, it's easier... easier said than done.

if honesty becomes a habit, it earns a person's trust. trust has a time factor, and thus can only be realized when experiences are put together. a person who earns my trust is hard to impeach. as hard as he had worked for it. i can never give too much due process or be less biased to persons i trust. so persons who enjoy this position must also make sure that they keep the honesty coming.

what made me smile yesterday

i like getting mails in my house mailbox. i still like the old-fashioned snail-mail... especially if the card looks like this. o di ba? albert in a greeting card - what a brilliant beyond brilliant idea!!! at parang ginawa talaga ang card para mapa-smile ako.

so you wanna know what's the next phrase?

"it is relative..." - what a perfect beyond perfect theory!

Note: this birthday card was sent by my younger sister apple.

study habits

unfortunately, mine is not as solid as the others. i study whenever i can or even in those very few times that i can, i only study when i want to. i'm not as driven as i was 4 or 3 years ago. i have this fear that maybe law will just be like architecture - when i finished it, it felt like it's not something i want to do for the rest of my life.

last week, after my persons exam (which i totally blew), i was almost teary-eyed going to the office. sir basa was still around. i told him i'm so sad because the exam was very easy for others, but i had a hard time because i did not study hard enough for it. consolingly, he said that that's life and he just read me some chinese proverbs to cheer me up. if there's anyone in the office who totally supports me in my studies, that would be sir basa. i know he's counting the days (with much sadness i suppose) when i will finally pack my things and leave my cube for the bar review.

yesterday, he played his usual classical CDs while he was thinking of a design solution for San Pedro Hospital's renovation. he said if i'm going to study (or do anything that entails brain activity), i should study with vivaldi, chopin, rachmaninoff, and mozart on the background. he said it will stimulate the brain, sharpen the memory, and hasten recall. i did and i even found myself spending the sunday at the office to study again.

i also moved to another 24-hour fastfood venue to have my late night study sessions. mcdo bajada has ceased to be a neutral zone. i imagine a lot of things when i'm there. and if i get too unlucky, my imaginings are sometimes brought to life. scary and utterly disturbing.

my study habit is not about memorizing stuff or rewriting everything or organizing post-its or highlighting precious pages. it's about the timing and the ambience. it's about the absence of disturbance and the presence of encouraging people.

texting

One of my simple joys is receiving text messages. I think this form of communication is very powerful. Nowadays, people are lucky to have such a practical tool. Where words cannot be expressed fluently out loud, where physical presence cannot be had for logistic or safety reasons, where conveying one’s feelings of care or disgust has ceased to be personal, a text message is always an alternative.

I have gotten myself in trouble through text too many times in the past. I have learned the very obvious limitation of this is the absence of evaluation of the circumstances when the message was supposedly composed. One could only guess if the person sending it was happy or furious or gloomy or thrilled. Not everyone is a mind reader and not everyone is good with charades. It’s even more depressing that texting reduced a greeting to a 3-letter word – HBD! Or that this technology became an excuse for others to be late – IL B L8. Or a cover for an otherwise annoying incompetence to spell – IM PUR N SPELNG☺.

Even so, I am not unhappy about texting; I am more disappointed with the people misusing it. Convenience has its price indeed. It cultivates a society of jejemons who lack foresight, diligence, verbal and written competence, and personality (because in texting, you can be whoever you want to be).

I still like to receive text messages… but only from people I personally know; from people who do not abbreviate words to unauthorized lingual expressions (spend for the sake of language, people!); from people who are considerate enough to keep their appointments (though sometimes I'm guilty of this... hehehe); and from people who are man enough to own their words.

time and waiting

i am always fascinated with the concept of time. a lot of things have been said about it. they said it can tell (or give explanations). they said it heals all wounds. they said it's gold. but because it is constant and cannot be manipulated (although physics claims it can be stretched or folded), people are slaves to it. our lives are dictated by it. we worry about what time to do what thing. we let it pass and regret afterwards. we seize it, then feel tired later. we refer to our memories in chronological order. a birth in nine months. a birthday in a year. a death in a lifetime.

time is further emphasized to me lately as i once again ponder about waiting. i am in a series of waiting rooms. a breakout from one would mean an entrapment in another. my fear is that if i get too comfortable in one waiting room, i may not want to wait anymore. i might stay, maintain status quo, and forget about destiny.

time pushes me to be hopeful (to be positive) that the next waiting room will be a lot better. it will promise more comfort and can be a lot more inviting. but time, speaking through our experiences, is also the best teacher. it had warned me that lack of movement could eventually lead to discomfort and illusions. it had taught me that the waiting room is not the true limitation, but myself... that if i decide to stay, time will not wait for me.

talambuhay ng torpe

isang ngiti
isang hikbi
sa mga labi
namumutawi
lubos na kalungkutan
pilit titiisin
lubos na kaligayahan
pipigilin din
sa pagdaan ng oras
magbibilang tiyak
sa panahong lumipas
hindi iiyak

binigay ang lahat
hindi nagkunwari
nang biglang namulat
wala na ang dati

kung maibabalik
walang babaguhin
kung makakaimik
walang sasabihin
kung nagsisisi
sa panahong winaldas
patuloy ikukubli
hanggang sa wakas.

SSDTR

my student steven chua made a shirt out of my anti-motivational remark to students who have slipped down to the path of mediocrity... some teacher i am, 'no? but that's me. students don't have to like me; they just have to pass my subject.