it has not sunk in

just had my first yogo tonight with my bespren jenith. we were just trying to unwind after a very hectic week. i came from my 2nd labrel exam and i was bothered that i find it easy. usually if the exam seemed easy, i fail. hehehe she, on the other hand, just finished evaluating all the appeals of engineering students who are either "forced to shift," "on final university probation," or "dismissed from the university." knowing her work made me say i'm in a better situation. at least i am not burdened with the decision of shattering ambitions or changing a student's future. for two years as EA division head, jenith has no other wish but to finally relinquish her position. but as i always tell her, somebody's gotta do it.... for now, unfortunately, it's her.

we talked about our students who we have come to know on a personal level and how hard it is to see them leave their programs/courses because of strict university policies. we also talked about the anomalies during enrolment like rumors of some registration person getting bribed by students to fast-track their encoding. we also talked about inefficient program coordinators and lazy professors. all stories seemed to sound so negative, but for us it's our release, our own reality check of the system that we are a part of... actually, we just love chismis. hehehe

during our kwentuhan, i told her that i have mixed feelings about graduating law school this april. so far, i passed all the exams that were returned to us (thank God!). but the rest are the more crucial ones and i don't think i did well in them. jenith cut me and said that it didn't occur to her that i might not be around anymore come summer. she said that it's always convenient to think that i'll still be teaching next year since most of the time i would tell her i'm not sure if i'm going to graduate. now that she knows i am passing the exams i crammed, it's no longer a remote possibility that i will graduate. and probably in desperation, she wants me to assure her that after taking the bar, i will be back.... but i can't. i stopped planning my life long time ago. it's always been crossing the bridge when i'm already there. it's easier this way. less expectations, less disappointments.

it has not sunk in yet to most people, including jenith and myself, that this comfortable uncomfortable life that i am living right now might be over or could change in a few months. seven years of teaching is hard to replace.