Island vibe

I just spent eleven days in Boracay. I'm not sure if I went there to escape my normal life or if working while on vacation is already my normal. I did not like losing half of my day at the beach to sleeping in (so as not to disrupt my sleep cycle) and I did not like partying at night either. Although the island becomes a big watering hole at night and people go there for that trap, that is not really my kind of vibe. What I did like though was my brush with local people living their everyday lives. When I travel, I gain new perspectives from their reality and reinforce old and forgotten, but necessary principles in mine. 

I was fascinated with their brand of hospitality and service. When you are competing with a hundred other hotels or leveling with Manila-based chain and specialty restaurants, you have to find your niche and up your game. When there is an endless pool of potential customers, you have to do your thing well and fast every time. When the market is diverse in age, quirks, and status, you have to know your customers, and attract them and milk them for as much money as possible. Ah, free enterprise! It brings out everyone's ingenuity, productivity, enthusiasm, and greed. The customer either receives the best services or gets scammed. 

I was amazed by their pride of place and work. I was glad that I did not visit Boracay during pre-island lockdown. I cannot imagine what it must have been like back then -- without restrictions on beach activities, means of transportation, garbage disposal, business ownership, etc. It must have been pandemonium. Locals themselves are thankful for the intervention. They said that it stopped the "every man for himself" mentality. It made them think collectively as a community, as stakeholders, as island dwellers, and as Filipinos. They know the words "sustainable," "zero waste," and "zoning plan." I learned that some ramen places, Vietnamese cuisine restos, and Mexican-themed bars are owned by Filipinos. They have this interesting practice of synergizing businesses -- they have inter-business discounts; you can eat your lunch in one resto and order your dessert or coffee from another; individual tour guides and jetty porters operate in informal, honor system rotation or relyebo fashion. What a delight to see them uplift each other and their industry succeed because of collective effort.

These are what I look for and appreciate when I travel. My outlook in life changes a little bit each time I return from a trip. I am thankful that I have the opportunity, money, and time to see other realities, experience moments of learning and discomfort, and have these realizations and thoughts as a takeaway. So where to next?

Fraudfest

Fraud news abound these days. Whether hedge funds exposing billion-dollar conglomerates or crypto project's own undoing, the scams and schemes are too nefarious for my naive mind. I always believe that people are inherently good and when conflicted, that they will choose to be good because of the social systems that govern. If the reason for upending moral and ethical values is survival, I can understand. If the goal is for the common good, I will probably sympathize. If the motive is not selfish or greed, I am willing to listen or argue. No one is infallible. That is why the law provides for exempting and mitigating circumstances. But if the intention is to get ahead at the expense of others, or to flex one's superiority over another, or to amass excessive wealth by luring and duping the less fortunate, how can authorities turn a blind eye? Are they not complicit by doing so? Makes me wonder, "who is the real fraudster?" and "who is defrauding who?"

Weekend shenanigans

Ballet recital on a Sunday

I guess my blogposts now revolve around weekends with friends. Since I got back from Davao, I have been meeting friends non-stop. I am not complaining, but as an introvert, these activities are a revelation -- that I can thrive in a social environment. I might even enjoy this new lifestyle. I like feeling awkward every now and then. When I am awkward, I tend to listen more. I realized that people like to talk about themselves a lot. I call it the Kris Aquino syndrome -- "Ay, ako kase..." or "I don't know with you, but with me..." It's fascinating and torturous. In the back of my mind, I have thoughts like "Kailangan nya ng blog or podcast" and "Sounds like a personal problem." Yes, I internally judge like that, but don't we all?

Another thing that I observed is that I am now more assertive with recommending places to eat to my friends and work colleagues. It's always "I suggest this, but if you want something else, let's go for it." Surprisingly, no one has a stronger stance on food (and coffee) than me. I used to be the kind of person who orders the same food as the others. Now I am the person who asks if the order can be served in two separate plates or if the egg can be over easy or if the rice can be replaced with a salad... Of course, I will never replace rice with salad! LOL

So cheers to celebrating weekends, pushing boundaries, and reinventing ourselves!

Favorite playmate

I met up with my college friends yesterday. Freya, Naj's gifted child, thinks I am only ten years old. I don't know why she had that impression. I mean, that was just our second meeting (the first time was during her first birthday) and I definitely do not look young. Hello, gray hairs and fine lines! But as the day went on, I noticed that Freya enjoyed my company more than the others. She would always go to my side of the table. She would ask me stuff like do I play Call of Duty or any video games. She would invite me to dance with her (in public!), which was sort of embarrassing, but since I was with a 5-year-old kid, it was also kind of OK. At one point, I took her away from everyone to show her beautifully decorated animal cookies -- no stranger danger reflex whatsoever! We played PokemonGo while everyone else was busy discussing old people problems. When we had to part ways, she cried and made me promise to attend her birthday party next month. She told her mom that I was not her favorite tita, but I was her favorite playmate. 

Maybe she was comfortable around me because I did not make her feel that she was just a tag along; or because I did not take her interests and actions as juvenile or improper; or because I did not correct her when she said that I am just 10 years old. I think kids are drawn to me because I do not have that parent vibe. After all these years, I remain to be a Peter Pan.

Am I that important?

A friend asked me if I will consider donating my eggs. My immediate answer was no. Not really prepared to justify my answer, I just said something along the lines of me not being important enough or having the best biological traits. Then my friend went on to say that her reasons for considering egg donation are to leave a legacy to the world and to fulfill other people's dreams of becoming parents. While the conversation may have been a good way of picking someone's brain, I did not appreciate her apparent aim of trying to change my views. I believe that that kind of conversation is the lowest form of dialogue. When something boils down to one's preference and values, there is no use telling the other person that your choice or view is better.

Now that I have more time to think about the topic, my answer is still no. Unless a person is after the financial compensation for selling her eggs (yes, that's selling, not donating), I think that the person will have to be a narcissist to even think that her eggs in particular are needed by the world at large. What is so special about you that you have to spread your DNA? What philanthropic responsibility are you fulfilling by allowing intergenerational social complications? Also, I think that children from your eggs are not your "legacy to the world" unless you raise them yourself or give them your name (which you will not do when you are merely an egg donor). A contrary view would suggest that egg donees can never have a legacy and that parenting is not important in producing a human being, at least a functional one. Besides, there are other ways to leave my mark on the world -- probably, something arising from my abilities and industry, rather than from the life of a once extracted egg cell.

The last of the freedoms

Six years ago today, I left my hometown to embark on a great adventure called self-love. I wanted to be free of the burden of pleasing my family. I thought I would be looking after our family home for the rest of my life. The look and feel of that house and everything in it made me lonely and sad. I did all kinds of errands for all of them -- I took care of their bills, taxes, and debts; I secured for them their school, church, work, and government documents; I reached out to friends and relatives as the official family emissary. I eventually realized that I did everything they asked of me because I was trying to prove that I am worthy of my family's love and attention. I had formed abandonment issues when they all left for the US (and Palawan for Ate Ching), which I am still healing from until today.

I went through the highs and the lows of starting over in my new place. It was hard to find real friends and it was even harder remaining friends with people I only met in the workplace or through a new network. The change gave me so much anxiety and self-doubt. For a time, I kept a facade of accomplishment, independence, and confidence. I did not want other people (my family most of all) to know that I was having a hard time and thinking that I made the wrong decision. It was only through vulnerability and honesty that I found real joy and real friends.

I still do some of those stuff for my family, but I no longer think of them as a burden. I do them because it is the least that I can do as a family member. I am no longer scared of losing anyone's love or feeling unwanted. For as long as I can choose how to live, I am right where I should be.

"Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms - to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way." - Viktor E. Frankl

Aargh

When you say "Kahit ano. Ikaw na bahala," I expect that you mean it, that you are fully aware that you have handed over to me control or decision making, and that you will respect my choice. I know that consent can be revoked anytime, but please have the decency and the balls to stand by your statement. Palabra de honor. You were probably too lazy to do research, too busy to be troubled, too wishy-washy with your opinions, too scared to be judged. For copping out, you have lost the right to complain, to blame, and to express regret. "Sana ganito na lang, sana ganyan..." No! Keep those thoughts to yourself. Someone sweat it out for you, so be grateful.

Now Playing: Shake Yer Head by Eraserheads

Are you OK?

It is interesting how these three words can make a person feel. A few years ago, I would have been annoyed by this question and would respond, "Fuck off," but as I grow older (and hopefully more mature), I realized that the question is intended to assure the concerned (i.e., the asking party) that there is nothing to worry about. And if you are not OK, the question is an offer of help, a genuine desire to understand your situation, and an opportunity for you to rant or to vent out your emotions if you feel like it. 

I find myself asking that question to friends and strangers lately. Others were curious about my inquiry. "What made you ask that?" Well, maybe because you are not being your usual cheerful self? Maybe because I know you are in a lot of pressure or have experienced an event that I myself would crack under? Maybe because I have not seen or heard anything about those plans and work that made you excited? Is it too odd that I care?

In any event, I am here for whatevs.

The appearance of propriety

Part of corporate housekeeping that lawyers do is to make sure that there is no potential conflict of interest or even appearance of impropriety in the company's dealings. To be candid, I hate playing the role of a cop in such matters, because I think it is common sense. We should not enrich ourselves unfairly or at the expense or in betrayal of others. 

It is easy to choose profits over integrity. Profits can be realized right away, while the effects of a damaged or upheld integrity can only be felt further down the line. Instant versus delayed gratification. People also have the tendency to justify their biases and double dealings. The most popular excuse is that both parties served know that you are assisting or working with both of them. But that is not the complete picture. 

Conflict is not confined between parties in a transaction. Everyone who will be disadvantaged or affected by your duplicity can be a source of conflict. The other bidders, the public, the shareholders, the court. All such parties should be aware and have consented. Sometimes, people do not care if you are being righteous; what they care about is if you appear that way.

A member of the tribe

We were called the "pandemic jubilarians." Three classes (i.e., 95, 96, and 97) celebrating our high school graduations' 25th anniversary jointly and belatedly. I did not know what to expect from this event. My older sister did not participate in her homecoming in 2019 and my other older sister was supposed to be part of this consolidated reunion. I planned to just do the bare minimum, like show up at the event, and wait for the next communication from our alumni foundation.

Nothing was expected of me. I mean, we have in our ranks the vice president of the Philippines and a couple other politicians. What have I got to show for myself? Although I graduated at the top of my class, I was not famous or influential back then. I was a nerd and recluse (hiding behind my comical facade), who just happened to be friends with famous and influential people in our batch. Unfortunately (or fortunately), the fame and influence did not rub off on me. I was (and still am) a nobody. 

But my past is not my future. I thought that maybe if I participate and extend my help, I can change how I see myself. I decided to be involved. I attended Zoom meetings. I made donations (anonymously) when needed. I showed up not just during the reunion itself, but even in related events like outreach project and art exhibit. I wanted to belong, but my efforts were not getting me there. Somehow, I still felt awkward. 

I realized that while most of them grew up together and spent time with each other for most of their lives after high school, I, on the other hand, had been threshed from our little pond and fed to the piranhas swimming in the vast ocean. I made unconventional choices in my education, career, and personal life, that to them do not make sense. Although I am a member of this tribe, I have, over the years, associated myself with different tribes. And for that, a part of me will always remain an outsider to them. I will always be weird and strange, and I think that is beautiful. I can now accept that. 

The value of listing things daily

I have a pad of post-it next to my candle warmer. Before I retire to my bed each day, I write on a fresh note the things I want to accomplish the next day. At the end of each day, I peel off the note and throw it away. I do not hold on to a note just because there were unfinished things/tasks on it. Maybe they were not as important as the others. Maybe they were not meant to be completed in one day. Maybe they were not supposed to be on the list. 

More than serving as a reminder of things to do, my list is a subtle prompt to myself that I am given a new slate every day to write my life story. The list tells me that it is up to me if I want to hold on to the things from the day that was or to start anew. The list shows the things that matter to me at the moment, and by implication, those that do not. 

My list is both a hope and a promise. A hope that I can accomplish what I had set out to do and a promise that I will follow through. It is a ritual that is deeply grounded on stoicism -- You do what you can at the moment. You do the things that you can control. You balance your life's books each day. As the great stoic philosopher Seneca once wrote, "The one who puts the finishing touches on their life each day is never short of time."

Overextension

This is a term often used in finance but can very well be applied in any aspect of life. When we have less than what is needed or demanded, we overextend ourselves and our resources. When we are on the threshold of exhaustion or burnout. When we are on the brink of fatigue or injury. When we are on the edge of madness and on the verge of despair. Do we reach within us and carry on? Should we choose to be gritty? Do we act like heroes or ordinary humans? When our default is to overextend ourselves, do we still believe there is such a thing as overextension? 

I think that we overextend ourselves because at the end of the day, it is more comforting to tell ourselves that we did our absolute best and failed than to accept that we have limitations.

Now Watching: Physical: 100 on Netflix

300,000 baby steps

Our company rolled out "Step Up to the Challenge" in MoveSpring, where in the course of 40 days, employees who signed up to the challenge will have to complete 300K steps by the end of the period. That's at least 7,500 steps a day! I know that to others that is fairly easy -- so easy that there are 878 other employees who did better than me. But for someone who only walks when she feels like it, this requires more than the usual commitment and consistency. 

They say that what determines one's success to stick to a certain task is the level of difficulty of the task. The perfect level is just beyond one's current level of ability. If it is too easy, we become bored. If it is too hard, we become discouraged. So, we try to find the middle ground -- not too easy, not too difficult. By my assessment, this challenge was within the Goldilocks Rule sweet spot. 

I must admit that I was a bit hesitant to sign up. I looked at my calendar and the time period was smack in the middle of some pretty hectic days like Chinese New Year, lawyers' national convention, and my high school reunion. I might not be able to carve out a time for walking on those days. I did not want to over-exert myself on some days to make up for lost opportunity. I needed to stay on the sweet spot. 

True enough, with 15 days to go, I had a backlog of 150,000 steps. The once manageable 7,500 steps/day was increased to a staggering 10,000 steps/day. I have never walked 10,000 steps for 15 consecutive days post-knee injury. With the convention and reunion activities still on the horizon, I needed to find an hour and a half each day to accomplish the task. No excuses. Distractions and busyness be damned.

Of course, this is a success story. I completed the challenge just in the nick of time. I would still have blogged about it even if I failed though. I had doubts, but my "might as well" mentality carried me through the tough times. It felt like a podium finish (haha!). I was really proud. As I always say, "I am not the fittest, but I can suffer."

Now I feel like anything is possible. Maybe I can go back to hiking. Maybe I can join races again. Maybe I can fulfill my Hardrock 100 or EBC dreams after all. I know I sound delusional, but if I learned anything from this challenge, it is that I have enough resolve and will power to finish anything that is worth pursuing.

Permission to be cheesy

"On a spinning ball in the middle of space
I love you from your toes to your face."

-- Train, If It's Love

Love. It's been a while. I already forgot how it feels. I thought it will be like magic, butterflies in the stomach, and bells ringing in the background. Turned out, it was more like wobbly manholes, charades, and false alarms. Those who seem to have figured it out do not really have any sage advice or secret formula to share. They all talk cryptic, like "you just know..." Those who seem to have given up are secretly wishing their horoscope would be right -- that love will happen to them when they least expect it -- and probably feigning jadedness.

I trust that you are still out there. Probably also looking in the wrong places, searching for signs in the form of coincidences, second guessing if you are worthy. John Mayer said that we could be searching all our days, but we are not sure who we are looking for. "I could have met you in a sandbox. I could have passed you on the sidewalk." No one knows. It's up to you and me. We need not worry though; the universe will conspire.

Take your sweet time, because no one is really in a hurry here. Except probably my parents, who are in the twilight of their lives and are (strangely) still rooting for you. I mean, how could you give up if you have already won the home turf? 

Can we agree that when we find each other, we will not judge each other's past, we will choose each other every day, and we will include each other in our plans? Can we agree that if we never find each other, we will continue to believe in the possibility of "one day"?

You know, at night, when I am lonely, I whisper to the universe, "Kung hindi mo man ibigay saken mahal ko, sana ibigay mo sa kanya yung mahal nya, para at least isa sa'men masaya."

Apprise, not monetize

As I gain more followers and my reviews increase in traction, some people suggested that I pivot my food review efforts from Google Maps to other social media platforms. Food/restaurant reviews are a buzz nowadays and content creators seem to have their respective cult following. So much so that they could make or break a business. Logically, they would get invites from establishments that want a feature or a recommendation. As a person who relies on food reviews/testimonies to look for places to eat, I would question the genuineness of a paid reviewer or a sponsored post. Are you still impartial and truthful? Would you have given a different view if you were not paid or incentivized? Are you doing work or public service?

Google Maps prohibits content that has been incentivized by a business in exchange for discounts, free goods and/or services. The aim is to crowd source customer satisfaction, experiences, and information for the general public. When everyone is allowed to contribute, the influence of paid advertising is lessened. The voluntary and honest reviews level the playing field for the mom-and-pop businesses. Everyone has the opportunity to give his/her opinion and verify other people's claims. There are no influencers, only local guides. 

Although I will not be able to monetize my efforts, I will stick with reviewing in Google Maps. More than the potential income, I value my freedom, credibility, and impartiality. There is no pressure to regularly post content for the fans (or haters). I do not have to please anyone, and I am not indebted to anyone. I write reviews in hopes that other people will benefit from them the same way I benefit from other people's reviews. 

A case for the dark chocolate

Until recently, no one really cared about dark chocolates. Chocolate is supposed to be sweet and brown. Not dark brown, just brown. It should be milky and buttery. Its message of comfort and affection just does not align with the bitter taste of dark chocolate. 

Then, out of nowhere, studies about the health benefits of dark chocolate made converts of those with sweet tooth. As if the only saving grace of dark chocolate is that it is a superfood. With all due respect, I disagree.

Dark chocolate is basic and flexible. When you start with something bitter, you can always make it sweet. How can you make it the other way around? I don't know. Burn it?

Dark chocolate also evokes comfort and affection. I remember drinking bitter hot cocoa (hello there, tablea!) and still think that it was made with my mom's love. I also remember receiving sweet chocolates from assholes and people who were not genuinely sorry. You see, food association is relative and not universal.

Dark chocolate requires less process to make. If milk chocolate has more milk solids (from cows!) and sugar, it is easy to do the carbon footprint math.

So let us not underplay the awesomeness of dark chocolate. It is bitter, but it is better in many respects. 

The value of breaking things

There is something to be said about broken things. The general perception is that such things cause pain, suffering, and regret. The knee-jerk reaction is to fix them. The last resort is to discard and replace them. Breaking looks, feels, and sounds like failure, but it actually is nature's masterstroke. 

Nature intends all things to break. The first leaf has to break through the seed coat. The flower has to break free of its bud. The food has to be masticated for it to be useful. The muscle has to be stressed for it to adapt. Breaking is science at its finest. 

Sometimes, breaking is not an effect, but a cause. Maybe it is not a consequence, but a catalyst. Maybe things break, so that we can embrace change faster.

Eye of the storm

What a busy January! I finally got the time to store away my winter clothes, read some of my new books, and stock up the fridge and pantry. Sometimes I underestimate the effort it takes to unpack my luggage after a long vacation, to distribute pasalubongs, and to wake up to no breakfast and think of what to eat (Mommy, I miss you na!). The reality is there will be shitload of laundry to wash, bank accounts and budget to track and update, new stuff to store and give away, and an inbox full of emails to read and reply to. As always, I need a vacation after that vacation. 

I was able to sneak a week in Baguio to check out the dining scene. So many restaurants to go to, but so little time (considering that I am sleeping during daytime and fasting daily for 16 hours). I went to local dining staples and found new hidden gems. This was the vacation I needed. There was no pressure to roam around because I know I can always go back to this place anytime. I had a record-breaking 7-hour sleep three days in a row. I ate good food, read a good book at nearby cafes, and re-discovered my happy place. Yes, Baguio has always been my happy place. This was the jumping-off point to many of my memorable hikes. I am glad I made a spur-of-the-moment decision to take this trip, but I should remember not to pack light next time (lest I want to do laundry or buy more new clothes).

I am grateful for this much-needed respite. Sometimes we need the break so we can catch up on our regular programming. Sometimes the break is all we need to declutter our homes, to edit our contact list, to rekindle old and forgotten passions, or to write another blog entry. Perhaps this calmness is not the end, but just the eye of the storm. I am still grateful though, because in a world where you seem to always have to roll with the punches, moments of unbothered attention are hard to come by. 

Maxie

We love you, OG pweentheth!

I am deeply saddened by the news of Maxie's passing. It was so sudden. I woke up from a brief snooze and read the text that she was being rushed to a hospital. I could not go back to bed until I received word that she was gone. Every now and then, I still find myself staring into space and tearing up when thoughts of her come to me. I browse through the photos I have of her to cheer myself up. She was the best dog for us. Maxie was playful, emotional, and potty trained. I did not like touching or playing with dogs until I met Maxie. I mean, I had no choice. She liked sitting next to me on the sofa and following me around waiting for me to throw Bandit (her raccoon toy a.k.a. her bestie) her way. She was one of the reasons why I look forward to going home for the holidays. I guess holidays will never be the same.

Thank you for giving us eleven awesome years, Ate Maxie. You will always be in our hearts.

CNY walwalan and food coma

In keeping with our tradition, my friends and I got together to celebrate our favorite holiday. None of us have Chinese blood, but we have been doing this for so long that we could very well just inoculate it into our bodies to make things official and authentic. Kidding aside, I believe the beginning of the lunar calendar and the changing of the Chinese Zodiac bring in some unexplained energy and hope. As we always say, "wala naman mawawala kung susundin naten yung practices nila." So, every year, we feast and get drunk on Chinese New Year's Eve.

This year, instead of the usual celebration in Davao, we decided to celebrate in Manila... for a change... and for Kim Seon-ho's fan meet! No shame there. He's a good actor with a popularity that can sell out the entire MOA Arena. No biggie. After a thorough search of venues where we can have a proper New Year's Eve dinner, we ended up at a Seaside dampa-paluto restaurant... and I loved it! Nothing fancy. It was as close as we can get to a homecooked meal. I'm sure it was not cheap (thank you, sponsors!), as the dishes were served like as if we were in a buffet. 

What came after the meal was nothing I expected. I have never consumed as much margaritas as I did that night. I was not drunk, but I felt the buzz and I could not stop smiling. I liked that I did more listening than talking and that I did not feel awkward at all despite being the newbie in the group. The celebration even spilled over the next day... Brekkie with the Mariano family. Coffee at the Chairman's office. A successful fan meet and law school recruitment (hopefully!). Onion ayuda and bonggang loot bag. If this weekend is a harbinger of things to come this year, then 2023 will be truly hectic and unforgettable.

Tada! Pickled onions! So proud! Thanks YouTube!

Third's a charm

New year, new boss, quite literally. Bryan's first day as Region Chief was on my last day of work in 2022. I had to squeeze in a last-minute call with him before going on a break to introduce myself and to let him know where Armond left off. In three years, I have had three managers. Not because the previous ones had left the company, but because of internal movement like reorganization and promotion. Bryan, himself, was promoted from being a legal counsel with no directs to heading our team. And Armond? Well, he is now the GC, the head honcho, the one calling the shots. It is nice to know that people can still rise from the ranks, not because of politics, but because of hard work.

Quickly, changes were put in place. Vital and crucial changes. Changes that will hopefully increase team engagement, lessen occupational burnout, and break down workplace silos. The changes look promising and the new leadership, refreshing. They came at the right time and just in time. Perhaps because our new leaders were once one of us and had been on the outside looking in, that they appear relatable and empathetic. At least for now.

Despite the apparent stagnation of my career, I still consider myself lucky to have the privilege of working with exemplary bosses. Maybe I should stay for now, go along for the ride, and see where this goes.

Bringing passions to life

My sister's vineyard in St. Helena

My sister's family moved six hours away from the place they called home to start living their dreams of becoming grape growers. For years, they have been making wines from their home and have been spending a lot of time exploring Napa. They introduced our family to wine tasting, wine appreciation, and wine collecting. I learned almost everything I know about wine from her husband. 

When people ask what I am passionate about, I get stumped and end up saying common and obvious topics like food, travel, law, or books. Surely, there is interest, but to say I am passionate about them is more like describing my exposure than my burning desire. Can I abandon everything in pursuit of mastering any of them? Do I intentionally seek them for self-actualization rather than for pastime? Are they a must-have or a nice-to-have in my life? As stoics would say, we become what we give our attention to and where we put our attention is our life. Having said that, I guess it is natural and inevitable that my sister and her husband become vignerons. 

I would love to live in my own coffee estate or pomelo orchard someday. However, apart from drinking coffee on a daily basis and giving pomelos as pasalubong, I have not really made any effort to bring them into my life at a conscious level. I do not obsess over farming or living the rural life. I am scared of leaving my comfort zone called corporate life. I am clearly not passionate about them. But seeing my sister take this bold step in her life makes me excited about unraveling my own passions and pursuing them with courage and joy.

Holiday cheer

Holidays came and went like a tornado. But instead of debris, it left pixie dust filled with happy memories. I visited my folks in CA again this year, but unlike the past two years, I was on PTO (not working remotely) and hell-bent on completely ignoring all work emails. Although not entirely successful with the emails, I can say that this year was the best holidays I've ever spent with them in a long while. Family getaways leveled up. Food and drinks were consumed in insanely copious amounts. Family dramas abound. I like that Andy, Olivia, and Ryan can now carry some grown-up conversations. I am glad that the Auties have gotten off their high horses and come to their senses. I have never been happier to see everyone's authentic side (no matter how unpopular or disliked it would be) and maturity to resolve misunderstandings and accept outcomes. 

Perhaps my overwhelming joy came from having little expectation. Other than preparing the pasalubongs, I did not contribute much to the planning of activities. I know that we will be going around downtown LA for the museums, shows, and shopping. I know that there will be at least three birthday parties and two family dinners. I was informed that we will stay two nights at Santa Catalina Island and four nights at St. Helena. All those boxes were ticked and then some. My wallet was drained, but my heart was full. It's a good trade-off.

I now see that I approach holidays like how I approach life. All in and all out. It is hard to do it any other way. My parents are now old. My sisters and I are all living far from them. We do not want the next generation to grow up not spending time with their cousins, because our generation knows how that felt and turned out. After the pandemic, I now consider holiday gatherings as a privilege. Why not indulge in holiday cheer while everyone still can?

What I am grateful for (2022)

2022 brought so much personal growth, realizations, and changes. I am not sure if 2023 will be able to exceed it, but I expect nothing less. The changes had been long overdue, and I am glad that they happened when I was already prepared and decided. 

Travels - I completed my PH travel bucket list (finally! after so many years!). I visited five new places this year - Boracay, Coron, Iloilo, Batanes, and Camiguin. I realized that solo travels are still fun but traveling with friends elevates the experience and helps the budget (lol!). 

Writing - I revived this blog and started writing food/restaurant reviews in Google Maps. It helped that I know my "Why" or purpose. It also helped that I write only as a form of hobby; it takes out the pressure of writing on a regular/periodic basis and seeking external validation. Writing also motivated me to read and think more.

Health - This is probably the catalyst for my self-improvement this year. I just wanted to move a little and control my calories. However, this led to other wonderful habits like regulating sweets, water and alcohol intake, monitoring my step count, and maintaining a sleeping, eating, and walking schedule. It was inevitable that I found time for other things to do and did only those activities that support this priority.

Finance - I increased my investments to 53% of my portfolio, majority of which are still in conservative investments (bonds, MP2). I made significant strides to maintain my budget and establish additional income streams. 

Relationships - I opened up again to people, new ones and those from my past. I learned a lot about myself -- I doubt myself as a default; I tend to be agreeable (at the expense of being authentic); ego still gets me sometimes -- and this self-awareness has been a gift that keeps on giving. I am grateful for friends who believe we deserve each other. I am grateful for work colleagues who push me to do my best every day.