deadmahin ang group hug

to you who think i have been acting weird lately,

to start with, weird talaga akong tao noon pa, so that should not come as a surprise. i am just so freaking busy. i have law school and work. lawschool is crazy when you're in 4th year. and work is just as demanding (even more). home situation still gets me paranoid once in a while. and bills will always be a perennial concern. now tell me that my problems are same as yours. if they are, tell me how to go about them because it looks to me that you're having a breeze in life. i'm really trying my best here, so please don't add to my growing worries by telling me that i make you worry. yes, i worry when others say they are worried about me.

i will text if i am not ok. i will share when i feel like sharing. my friends and my students know that i am not one who keeps bad vibes and grudges. i say what i mean and i mean what i say. i am very transparent. if i am having a bad day, you will know. that is why i don't want to communicate lately... because my bad day will not be reversed if you know that i'm having one, will it? and i don't want to be spreading bad days myself. and i'll be happy to think that at least one of us is having a good day.

please don't think that it's you. it's never my habit to blame others for my misery. but it's definitely you if you keep on bugging me about not being in my element. hehehe yes, i can still joke about these things, because i am not sad. i am just floating and maintaining status quo. some days give me shit. some days give me highs. some days are just better than others. but everyday is always a potential historical milestone, so it's such a waste if i just spend it convincing you that i'm ok or [worse] worrying that you're worried about me being strange or weird.

this is getting long. i don't owe you an explanation, do i? what i'm trying to do here is to let you understand that my life is not just about you. it's also about my work and law school and the house that i'm trying to maintain and the bills that i'm trying to pay. it's mine and i know you know what i mean because you have your own life. don't waste it worrying about me being weird because i've been weird since time immemorial... and that i know you know it, too.

always me.