I feel cold every time I eliminate fear and comfort. Because I am so calculated and predictable, I do this move swiftly and without looking at the variables. When I change the status quo, I do not check my emotions. I just do it. However it turns out, I just know it was meant to be.
I remember the time when I quit a job where I truly excelled, because I could not see myself doing it for the rest of my life. I just walked away without saying anything. I woke up one day and decided to buy a one-way ticket to Davao, without any clue of what awaits me in my hometown. I never spoke of that chapter to anyone until now.
I remember the night when the guy I had been pining on for years finally told me he’s taken. Like a true friend, I wished him well, but I told myself that I will no longer see him or give him favors like I used to. If he will be happy, then it should be with the person he chose.
I remember when I stopped talking to a friend. She said she’s tired of me and like a fuse, I just snapped. I have not communicated with her since then although we live in the same city and move within the same circle of friends. For me, friends should never get tired of each other. Those who believe otherwise are not worth my time.
I believe we all kill a little of ourselves every day to make us feel more alive. The things and persons that hold us back or make us comfortable are the scariest, because the minute they disappear, our world will fall apart. So it is best to keep them at arm’s length or to cut them lose while you are still in control.
Tonight, I feel I should kill another part of me.
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